Thank you for the links

Many of you posted links to some wonderful do*nor embryo blogs...THANK YOU ever so much!

Some of you asked DEmb questions and I will answer them this weekend.

Our little family just started spring break today. Ivan is reading the paper, Goose and Lily are on separate laptops side by side playing on Web*kinz. Pooch is in my lap. Feline Friend is nearby, never far from his humans. We are just "veggin'" and it feels oh-so-good.

Ivan and I will discuss this baby business over the break. I want to jump right in when I think about it but there is a lack of enthusiasm. Remember the 'wounded' thing? Well, I still am. I think I might be too drained to do this again. Maybe I just need time. It's weird, this place I'm in. Very strange. Will assess later.

Right now I am just basking in the glory of being on "vacation" for the next week. We are not traveling...just hanging close to home and doing various projects, seeing movies, doing fun outdoorsy things all week. Perfection!

Just want to say "ugh"

I am ready to endure 2-3-4 transfers using donated embryos. The thing is...this stuff costs money! I feel SO VERY GUILTY for continuing to do this! Why can't I just leave it alone? I am terrified of turning 50 and saying to myself "why didn't I try harder?" Ivan deep down wants to parent a baby again which is why, even though he is a major money miser, he continues to say "yes". (

Spring Break is next week and then I think I will schedule a visit with the DEmbryo clinic (two hour drive).

EEKS! Post any donor embryo blogs you know about! :)

I can't believe I am typing this...

...embryo "adop*tion"....

Yep, we found a clinic two hours away that allows "adoption" of embryos. They have 50+ embryos on ice currently ready to be matched with a couple. It's a really low tech and affordable option as compared to the mind blowing cost of donor egg IVF. My gosh, I get sick thinking of what that pathetic cycle cost us.

Truth be told, this is what I wanted to do two years ago. We adopted our two beautiful daughters and this was the natural next step for me. However, the clinic we were working with (who has a satellite office at my GYN) did not offer it so I just thought it wasn't possible in our area.

After learning about this opportunity at the other clinic I called Ivan at work. He easily and happily said "yes" to trying this next step. Embryo adop*tion will be the final attempt at pregnancy for sure. After that we plan to stop at two or adopt again.

Our journey to another child isn't over just yet! :)

Hormones back on track

Finally back on the pill. Period over.

Lots of energy today. Got tons done after weeks of nada. Whew, feels good.

I can't think about this failure. I can't think of another IVF. I can't think of having a baby. It's much, much too painful. When those thoughts enter my mind I run screaming to something else to focus on.

Starting lots of home projects...painting, floors, etc.. That will get me through Spring and then we will see what I can obsess about over the summer.

Thanks for the sincere thoughts about our neighbor. So very sad.

Spring is here. Let's hope it brings with it lots of healing. For many of us.

Update: I take BCP's for my endo.

The $20k Period Started

Finally. It's about time. Still numb from all of this.

Neighbor was found dead this morning, late 40's. Left two children without a mother.

What else would the universe like to throw my way?

Back to helping Goose with 1000 point Olympics project. I. Need. Sleep.