Monday, September 28, 2009

What a difference a heating pad makes

PIO day 7 (mock cycle).

Okay people....I have virtually NO PAIN from the PIO during, after or even on the next day! I was not taking the time to heat the injection site afterwards AND I was using ICE to numb the injection site...wrong, wrong, wrong.

I am now turning on a heating pad the minute I wake and stay in bed warming that day's lucky buttock. While warming the buttock I also put the PIO vial next to my body. Ivan gives the injection (while I am lying down) and massages the area with the heating pad. For another five minutes or so I stay in bed and keep the heating pad on the site. It's like night and day! I am telling you, I could barely function last week b/c of the pain. It was radiating up my back and down my legs. Today I have NO PAIN from yesterday's injection. Today's injection? Barely felt it go in!

Heating Pad. Heat. Heat. Heat.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Penny

Ivan went in yesterday for his bloodwork. He took a wrong turn and ended up on the NICU floor! And then as he went to get back on the elevator there was a sign, "breastfeeding class"....I hope to be signed up for that soon! :)

As he was leaving the building after the blood draw he looked down to see a penny. He picked it up and brought it home. "It's our lucky penny", he said.
Sweet, sweet boy. He is just as excited as I am.

PIO Day 5 (Mock Cycle)

Yeah, it isn't getting any better.

I just don't remember the PIO being this painful afterwards. My bum has no chance to heal before the next shot comes. Obviously we switch sides each day. In addition to the muscle pain I think the pro*gesterone is aggravating the endo. Ivan was very concerned this morning about my pain. I tried very hard to be strong. He has been so supportive and wonderful. Oh god, I don't know what I would do without such an understanding husband.

Going to take a muscle relaxer tonight so I can sleep comfortably.

Biopsy next week. And to think then I can do the easy breezy Lupron!

Friday, September 25, 2009

PIO Day 4 (Mock Cycle)

I cried today when Ivan did the injection.

I think it's more about fear than pain. It hurts. Like h$ll. But I think it's more than that. I remember two years ago when our fresh IVF worked...I got a BFP. But a few days into it I knew something was wrong. And we still had to do the PIO until the next blood test. The pain on top of the disappointment was horrid.

With each PIO I become increasingly more scared that this will fail. Maybe it's good that the pain of the shots is allowing me to express my fears.

Wow, I forgot how much I hate pro*gesterone and the symptoms it produces.

Carry on my IF friends. We are in this together.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

PIO Day 3 (mock cycle)

Warmed the oil.

Iced the bum.

Needle? Fine. Jam those in my flesh all day long.

The PIO? Not so much. It burned like the devil this morning. The bum is sore...both sides...lower back hurts. I feel a Crabmonster taking me over. My boobs are itchy b/c they are obviously reacting to the pro*gesterone. And what is up with the strange smelling pee? I had forgotten that part!

Happy Hormone Hell.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

PIO Day 2 Much Better

I warmed the oil this morning. Ivan said it was much easier to draw into the syringe and I think it went in more quickly. Yesterday's cheek is still super sore. Every move from sitting to standing and vice versa HURTS and i have to remember not to moan so my girls don't think I am just getting old and cranky. ;)

Things are moving so quickly! Next Thurs is the biopsy and then we leave for Dis*ney for a week and BAM when we return the donor starts stimming! I have been wishing for the time to go quickly and here it is flying by.

Fingers crossed for (1) good results from the biopsy, (2) my period starts on time once I stop the PIO and (3) the donor doesn't have any rogue follicles.

One day at a time.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

PIO Day 1 (mock cycle)

May I just say....


Dang, I don't remember it hurting this much. Whew, that oil takes a while to administer. And then the pain afterward...youch. I massaged the area afterward. Have I read before that some people warm the oil before administering? And do you warm the whole bottle or just the filled syringe?

Poor Ivan..he was really nervous "believe it or not this is harder on me than it is on you". Geez, I do believe it, sticking that IM needle in human flesh. Ack.

And to think this is *only* the mock cycle!

All. Worth. It.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Thank you Est*race

Did the trick! My lining is 9mm this morning and they wanted 7-10mm!!

PIO starts tomorrow. I had the nurse draw a circle on my upper outer quandrant for Ivan. He is a little nervous being out of practice.

Good-bye my beloved estro* was nicing have you around!

Hello evil pro*gesterone.

Active cycle in three weeks. (pooh cubed)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Feelin' Good, ultrasound tomorrow

So I seem to be enjoying my "little blue pill" of estro*gen! It's not that messy and I do feel the increased hormone levels. Hoping for a good visit tomorrow...the ultrasound to check my endometrium is at 8:30AM. Crap...bloodwork again...just remembered *that* part. Ugh.

Drug* sent me a "free shipping" email so I went online to choose some preg*nancy about 6 weeks I will be needing them! I get so excited thinking about life post-transfer and then I am filled with fear of failure. There is no anxiety like that of peeing on a stick and waiting for the result. I have only had one BFP in my life and I was in utter shock when it happened.

How I want this to work. The yearning is indescribable. You all know all too well what I mean.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Adding another IM to the mix

I learned from the RE office today that they may be adding Estra*diol Val*erate instead of the patches. My bum is going to be some kinda sore!

Has anyone else taken this form of estro*gen?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

You are joking, right?

Recent Deli*ver Me episode that I watched....

A 23 year old was getting read to birth her THIRD baby.

All three of her children were conceived WHILE ON THE PILL.

Commence hysterical doubled over laughing....cuz it's really, really funny, yes?


Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Eileen very tragically lost her baby.

A New Day

No bleeding and no cramps today. Started the Est*race last night. My RE uses the ORAL pill but you insert that little sucker in your hoo-ha! No muss, no fuss!

I feel so much better emotionally and physically. It's really not fair when you are experiencing period cramps at the same as an emotional let-down. Generally when *we* infertiles have a period it coincides with a disappointment of some kind.

Looking forward to a beautifully thick lining on Monday with ZERO spotting/cramping.

Does anyone else DVR the cable birthing shows? I am addicted to them right now.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Might still be on schedule

- Start Est*race tonight, continue with Dot patches,

- Ultrasound Monday. If all is well, start PIO.

- Oct 1 go to RE (3 hour drive) for endometrial biopsy and one of those liquid in the uterus tests...hydrosalpingogram.

- Vacation starts October 3...Lupron and Disney...what a pair!

- Upon return from cycle (which was the original plan).

Still spotting red blood. Hmmm....not so sure about this. It's not just spotting. It's crampiness, too.

All is not lost


The "period" flow has seemed to stop. I have had really bad cramps and everything (endo) is painful just like a regular period but so far it is not actively flowing today.

Was very, very, very sad after my appt. My lining was only a 4 something and should have been thicker. Assumed this mock cycle was a bust.

But no. A ray of hope.

We are continuing with the mock cycle but I am starting Est*race (vaginal delivery) tonight and will continue through Sunday night. Another ultrasound appt on Monday with Gyn. That puts us about a week behind schedule but it's better than three weeks!

Waiting to get more details from RE office.

I am not thrilled about this "bump" in the road but it has not turned out to be the worst scenario.

Are these Estr*ace things leaky and drippy? Geez. This can never be easy, huh?

Thank you for your supportive messages!

Monday, September 14, 2009

It's just laughable

My stupid body cannot even get through the effing MOCK CYCLE for god's sake.

I am going out on a limb here and saying we have a full-fledged period. Cramps. Discharge with each trip to the loo.

Gyn appt for transvag ultrasound in the morning AND bloodwork! Won't that all be pleasant and a waste of time since this cycle is down the toilet and will have to be started AGAIN. That puts us three weeks behind. Our active cycle just got pushed to November no doubt.

Yeah, uh huh. This crazy DE Ivf fee is certainly money well spent. Her eggs will be stellar. Ivan's sperm will be rock solid. My contribution? Crap as usual.

Wallowing in self pity for a few hours....

Well sh!t

Bright red blood flow just found. This is the middle of my mock cycle. I am on estro*gen patches and have my ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow to check my lining and am to go on PIO Weds morning. What does this mean? If I start a period (WTF??) then it will be pretty hard to do a lining check.

Why, why, why is this happening?

Have emailed RE for more input.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Wow, I have not updated in a few days.
Cruising along here. Four patches every other day. Ultrasound of endometrium Tuesday. P*IO starts Weds. RE biopsy the following Friday (25th).
I am exhausted after a horse show my girls rode in today. When I get *this* tired I wonder what it is we are doing! ;) And then Ivan says something cute that reminds me we can handle this. This evening I was telling Ivan about an old hs friend who is an RN who works in labor and delivery. He said something about what a fun job she has, seeing babies all day. It made me feel less tired and less defeated.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Tentative Active Cycle Schedule

Can you hear my squealing?

RE donor coordinator just emailed me. We have a tentative schedule as long as the two women's bodies working toward this endeavor cooperate.

Donor will start stims October 10. Retrieval will be Oct 19-21 with a transfer Oct 22-26. I am PRAYING for a blastocyst transfer. This is great to have the possibility of the transfer on a weekend (less complicated getting children to and from school). Of course this means they will be home that day as well...we will worry about that when the time comes. Ivan might stay home the day of the transfer. The last time he drove home the three hours and I was reclined. Is this really necessary? Did any of you drive yourselves home after the transfer?

Geez...I am positively holding my breath in anticipation.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Tapping my foot uncontrollably under the desk

Whew...I need October to get here.

The time usually flies with my girls and all of their activities. We have a horse show this weekend so this week will be dedicated to that endeavor (and we will be wiped out). Next Tuesday is my ultrasound to see how my endometrium is looking. PIO's also start next week which is good so Ivan can feel more "involved".

The following week will be the RE visit for the endometrial biopsy. The following week is vacation packing and then we are off to Dis*ney the first week in October. Upon returning it's GO TIME. If all goes well, we are shooting for a late October transfer.

While I am "tapping my foot" I am starting to watch Ma*d Me*n. Does anyone else watch this show? I just rented Season 1, Episodes 1-3 and LOVE it so far! Looking forward to catching up with the episodes and then I will start the current season which I am DVRing.

As I make plans well into 2010 I keep thinking..."I *should* be pregnant by then". Gosh, I hope so.

Shower time and then Ma*d Me*n.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

The days just get better

Three patches today.

May I just say that estro*gen is da bomb! Ashpash is feelin' good! Honestly, I had so much pain last week that I was getting pretty discouraged about this whole process. Now I feel great and have a whole new outlook.

Four patches Tuesday.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Pain Free Today what is going on? I am totally pain-free today! I don't know if the two days of pain was a fluke or what. The "cyst" (endometrioma?) on the left ovary is not nearly as painful today...I can't say it's painful at all.

I am not sure what to attribute this to but I am certainly enjoying NOT being in pain!

THREE estro*gen patches on Sunday! :)

Friday, September 04, 2009

Endo Pain

Hello estro*gen...and hello endo pain! I have become increasingly uncomfortable over the last few days. While I still think it could be the cyst reacting to the estro*gen, I also admit it is likely endo pain, including endometriomas. My ultrasound is in about 10 days and I will address this pain with my doctor. As long as I know it's endo, I am okay. My mind tends to get off on unhappy tangents filled with "what ifs" and that's when I get scared.

Back to my ART blog all are keeping me going!

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Holding my breath

Right before a cycle do all of you just "hold your breath"? I am just so scared of something happening to forever prevent this last attempt. It's like I am in a holding pattern and trying to accomplish something each day but what I really want to do is hibernate until the active forward life until transfer day. That sounds crazy to want to make life go faster when my daughters are already growing up so quickly. I want the 2WW to be here. I want to know if this is going to work or not. Life is on hold until I know b/c this could totally change life as we know it...parenting a baby again in our early 40's with a 10 and 12 year old!

Two Patches

Up to two estro*gen patches now. I suspect the estro*gen is causing my ovarian cyst to grow as I am having more pain on that side now. Sigh. I wish the darn thing would go away. Three patches starts Sunday so it will only get worse. Ultrasound Sept 15 and we can check the cyst then. Hope I can make it that far. I just keep holding my breath waiting for something to ruin this for me. Honestly, I have waited so long for this and I can only assume my body will fail me in some way because that is how it has always been. Don't think I lack appreciation for my body...I do love it and try to take care of it. You all get it...infertility screws with your mind.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Looking forward to my estro*gen

The patches have started on my mock cycle. I am on one patch right now and will put on two tomorrow. I "live" perpetually on low dose birth control pills to control my endo. It's great for pain but I really miss my estrogen. Have you ever noticed how great you feel you could conquer the world? I miss that feeling! Before the mock cycle is over I will be on FOUR patches..then the PIO starts. Bring on the estro*gen!