Monday, December 21, 2009

Welcome ICLW Bloggers

Happy Holidays!

Wow, Christmas is almost here! I will be busy with my two daughters this week and am looking forward to time with family and friends. After the holidays Ivan and I will transfer our *one* DE blast and see what happens. Our code word when we talk is "Frosty the Snowman". We waited a long time to do this DE cycle and it was a huge failure with only blast to freeze. I honestly would love to ask for a do-over but I don't think it works that way.

Whatever journey you are on, I am wishing you peace and strength.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Checking In

Very busy here with many daughter activities. Looking forward to 2010 so we can do our FET. I want to have hope in him but, oh dear bloggers, it's so hard to think he will do anything more than the others. The ONLY thing going for him...the ONLY difference is he will be a blast and I guess really that makes ALL the difference. Oh God how I wish there was more than one. Sigh. My one special little blast.

In my genuine deep despair last week, Ivan said we will do our FET and if that doesn't work.....

" we will do it again"

As in, another cycle.

I was speechless. It made me cry. It slightly lifted the fog surrounding my soul. Not that I am sure I could spend the money again. Just knowing he might consider it was enough.

Happy, happy holidays my friends.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Another Birth

Precious niece arriving today. Love her parents. Happy for them. It's bittersweet.

Because of the craziness of the holidays I am less weighed down by the sadness. When January arrives, I will be planning for the FET. What terrifies me is Spring. What will it bring? Complete and final defeat? Or morning sickness?

Think about our little Frostie every now and then. Sigh. Wondering if he has what it takes.

Sending good wishes that everyone survives this crazy dash straight into the holidays.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

The Walking Wounded

That would be me.

I am taking care of daily life. Caring for my daughters. Making dinner. Volunteering. Taking part in small talk with neighbors. Updating my Face*book status. Going to sleep. Waking up. Shopping at Wal-*Mart.

But I am wounded. To the core.

Irreparably, beyond the shadow of a doubt wounded beyond measure.

And the kitchen needs tidying, shower needs to be taken, book needs to be read, children need to be put to bed.

Like I said, wounded.

Thinking of our little Blast-On-Ice makes me want to cry. He has such pressure on his undifferentiated shoulder cells.