Keep on truckin'

"East bound and down, load it up and truck it. We gonna do what they say can't be done".

Yep, I am feeling very Smo*key and The Ban*dit today. It could be the increased estrogen that my gray matter is bathing in. My E2 numbers went from a mere 160 earlier in the week to 605 today (day 7). My ovaries are LOADED and we are ready to truck it on down (we are actually going to be SOUTH bound) to the RE to get those lovely eggs sucked out. However, Ivan may have to load me into the back of his truck tied onto a pallet b/c my bending at the waist days are almost over....can you say "ouch!"?. More meds....oh good lord....can it be possible? I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable and it kinda makes me gag...the whole thirteen-eggs-maturing-when-there-should-be-only-ONE concept. I am to stay on the Gon*al-F until Sunday AM. The new pen arrived today to the tune of $600 via Fed*Ex.

Have I ever mentioned how much I adore Fed*Ex? From just a business perspective, I find them to be truly remarkable, dependable, smart business plan, etc.. From a motherhood standpoint, they make my heart go pitter patter. Not only have all of these egg growing meds arrived via my favorite white truck but our China referral arrived from that same spiffy truck seven years ago this month. Nice company, that Fed*Ex.

Ultrasound and bloodwork Sunday morning and then I hope - I pray - we get a date for a retrieval.

Speaking of retrieval, oh blogdom, I feel something dramatic coming on. At some point with this retrieval I will have an "episode" of some kind involving the loss of one or more of my faculties...perhaps the loss of blood pressure (ie hello floor!) or even the loss of my dinner from the night before. I am the girl who once passed out on her sick dog at the vet. I woke up hanging in the air. The vet held me by my ankles to get blood back to the brain. Yes, suffice it to say that these situations are not where I shine. RE had better be offering me something "yummy" in the form of a controlled substance fed directly into my bloodstream that morning. Ya know, to make up for that cold speculum a few months ago.

I am perusing your blogs looking for stats....if they counted 13 follies today...is that it? Are there surprise follicles at retrieval that cannot be seen on the ultrasound? Based on my age (38!), is 13 good? I am reading about some people with
29 effing eggs. Geez!

Update - Okay, I am reading your blogs about this follicle thing b/c quite honestly I am obsessing a bit. The follicles they counted today were of substance...these were the bigger ones...not every little teeny tiny follicle. That makes me feel better. Some of you have had 30-40-50 but that included every egg that even attempted to show itself. I am anxious to see what Sunday's ultrasound shows. But, I need to admit that today I almost told Not-My-Gyn to pull that d@mn wand out in the middle of the scan. It was in there too long and I already have all of that pressure and ack....the repeated reading aloud of the sizes of this follicle and that. Gross I tell you. The endo has made me pelvis shy...I don't like extracurricular anything going on there that does not involve Ivan.

Fortunes

Here are my last two "fortunes" as told by the fortune cookies at two recent Chinese meals (and just for the record, fortune cookies are not a tradition in China...this is an American thing).

Fortune #1: Do not give up; the beginning is always the hardest. Chinese word translation word on back: "boy".

Fortune #2: (from memory b/c I left the d@mn thing on the table) You will soon see the results of your long-awaited project. Chinese word translation on the back: "he".

Ivan's translation words on the back were always something goofy like "cabbage" or "window". Mine were both gender-related and both male.

Blog amongst yourselves.

Shooting up in public?

So Sunday night Ivan and I went to dinner and a movie while Goose and Lili were at a slumber party. My meds were due to be injected at 7PM so out comes the cooler and an ice pack. After dinner, I added the box of leftovers to the cooler along with my Go*nal-F pen and a syringe with 10u of Lup*ron. We drove down the street to the theater and searched for an out-of-the-way spot...a space where I could actually pull my pants down to inject! I could have used the bathroom in the theater but I all I could think of was dropping my precious Go*nal-F in the nasty floor...then what? Egads! It occurred to me that mall security could have pulled up while I sat there in my underwear, pants to my knees. Is it against the law to shoot up in public? I suppose it depends on what you are injecting.

Has anyone else in injected in public?

So far, so good

Okay. Labs today looked good. Estradiol is in the 160's which is just where they want me! We will continue with Lup*ron 1ou and Gon*al-F 225u until Friday morning when I will have ultrasound and lab. The Friday visit is the one where we hit a snafu in April....that is when the rogue follicle was found and the lab indicated ovulation had occurred. Pooh-pooh-pooh! This time around we are planning on seeing two ovaries filled with lots of similar-sized follicles. If things look good Friday I will have a Sunday visit and then the retrieval will be on Tues, Weds or Thurs.

Stimming again!

The ultrasound and bloodwork Friday looked good. Estradial at 3o-something and the cyst was collapsed. We started Gon*al-F on Saturday morning for AM/PM doses and will continue with the Lup*ron, 10u once per day. My next bloodwork is set for Tuesday morning. Oh geez, I want to be excited but am very cautious because I know another rogue follicle could grow and lutenize all of my other eggs. This is not supposed to happen on on Lup*ron!

If we actually get to proceed this time, that puts our retrieval right around July 4.

Sorry these posts are so factual with no extra commentary. In my "real life", I am quite full of things to say but it seems when I come here, I just spit out the facts and "post". Maybe it's because I am not really "me" here.

Hopefully positive news on Tuesday.

The dam has broken

Not only was her arrival met with joy....a few whoops and hollers went out as well! She arrived today in all of her crampy glory. Ain't life grand!

Monday was the lowest of the low. Not only had PMS been grinding away at my sanity for ten days but I also found out that I had to make enough Jell-O for 180 children (4th grade) by Weds. That was it. My battered soul could take no more. The end-of-school-year activities and no period had taken their toll. The tears flowed. My dear Ivan was helpful and supportive as always and on Tuesday I was truly a different person. I could tell the hormonal shift had occurred. That nasty cyst had lost it's battle with my uterus. Sure enough, this morning the familiar "this is it" cramps arrived and the party started! Woo hoo!

Ultrasound Friday AM to see how things look. I am cautiously optimistic.

About to throw in the towel

Not sure I can do this much longer. Once again, I have a huge cyst on my ovary. When the Lup*ron is first administered, it sends a big push of FSH to the ovaries and then the pituitary is depleted, putting our ovaries into a temporary menopausal state. My ovaries really react to that "push" and a follicle develops which ends up producing estrogen. My period still has not started (thanks to the estrogen-producing cyst) even though I have had, at times, cramps that take my breath away. The "PMS" has been really bad. My RE wants me to drive 3.5 hours to his office and have the cyst aspirated. This is something I would have to do alone as Ivan just got home from a trip and prefers not to miss work. Usually a woman is mildly sedated. I cannot be if I have to drive. The PMS is really affecting my psyche and I want to just give up!

Not sure what I am going to do.

Geez, how do women go through cycle after cycle....I can't even complete one without issues.

Hormone Limbo H$ll

For Pete's sake....spare me this hellish limbo! I stopped the pill last week...no period. The Lup*ron continues (I am quite the sub-q pro these days). The crampy-looming-period achiness continues. The headaches continue. The extreme tiredness continues. I want my estrogen back! I want the BCP pills back! Tomorrow had better be the day or I will seriously lose what is left of my temporaily-in-menopause brain! I despise the days that precede a period....although I am confident that my Ivan despises them more.

Come on hormone gods, cut me some slack!

Easy does it

Well, Ivan is out of town and the nightly injections continue. I usually have to sit there a few minutes before I can gather the courage to do each injection. It doesn't even hurt! It's just getting past the idea of sticking a NEEDLE in my thigh! How many of you do the belly injections? That is just too...something...not quite enough flesh there...what If I hit a major organ or something (I know, I know...not really)...the skin there feels more sensitive I guess. I enjoy using the lovely thigh flab that I have acquired the last few years....more cushion and no organ piercing opportunities.

No period in sight. I took my last BCP on Thursday night and nothing. Sigh. Hope that shows up soon so I can feel like we are proceeding. I have been known to go two weeks before a period after stopping the pill...ack, that would mess things up.

Ya know, I don't even think about the results of this process. Right now, I am just getting through each day...one injection at at time. Because the last cycle was cancelled after I ovulated on Lup*ron (what the h$ll!!), I am now assuming something else will be off-kilter.

Crisis Averted

I called the Medical Exchange where a doctor was on-call. He called me back within three mins and instructed me to do another 10u b/c the absorption will be slower in the dermal layer.

Whew.

That was scary.

Holy Cr@p I think I messed up

The Lup*pron needle started to come out when I injected tonight and I think some of it ended up in the dermal layer. There is now a raised area on my thigh! It itches! Holy cr@p ....will it absorb or is it gonna just sit there? I was able to push the needle in all of the way but fear I was at a wrong angle or something. If it won't absorb from there then I have missed a dose! I remember the nurse talking about a problem when the meds are injected "between layers" but I think that was for IM's.

If anyone else has done this, please let me know.

D@mn!

Well, that was easy!

Ivan is leaving town for a few days so I had to give my own injection last night. Blogdom, even a few months ago I would have said "it will never happen" if you asked me if I would ever plunge a needle into my own flesh! It was truly painless! And I didn't pass out!

If nothing else comes out of this, I can at least say that I learned how to give subq injections!

Now...concerning our friend Lup*ron...I had a major hot flash during sleep last night after having my third injection. I did not notice that during the last cycle. But, b/c they had me on the "old ovary regimen" I started stims on the third day of Lup*ron which must have curbed the symptoms a bit? Not sure. Either way, it will be a long three weeks if those hot flashes continue. I am really fond of my estrogen!