101 Posts! and anxiety is subsiding

Isn't this some sort of Blogger milestone I am supposed to recognize?

Happy 101 to me!

So, this anxiety of mine is about time. Time slipping away. Being too late. It's very hard. I will be 39 in February and while I know many women who conceived and birthed a child at 40, that will not be ME with *my* eggs. Because of the endometriomas, my poor ovaries have been through the ringer. They need to be left alone! While using donor eggs is expensive (about the cost of two fresh cycles using my eggs), I think the security of knowing the we would have a hugely increased chance of conceiving is worth the expense. Yes, seeing a mini me toddle around would be nifty but honestly, I just want to do this pregnancy thing before I turn to dust! Ivan ain't so hip on the cost. I don't blame him. We have not really discussed this at length as I need more info from RE and I have been in an emotional pit for weeks...I might be digging myself out finally. Knowing that literally the clock is stopped using donor eggs is of huge comfort to me.

We could do another fresh cycle or two but my response to the Gon*al-F was not great...I have reserve but the ovaries have been really traumatized by the endometriomas. Doing another fresh cycle with my eggs is not the best use of the money, it really isn't. I have to look at my goals here and perpetuating my DNA is not one of them...pregnancy is my goal.

If you have any donor egg stories to share, please do!

I need to check in with everyone!

Age is a factor

So my RE answered the questions I emailed.

We are dealing with issues of: (1) age and (2) endo.

Prior to another cycle, I should have a lap to clean up the endo and go on Lupron for 3 months. That would put another cycle after the first of the year.

Donor eggs would increase our odds to 60% chance of pregnancy.

Lots to think about.

For now I will enjoy the upcoming holidays with my girls and a trip to Vegas with my sister!

No decisions yet

Since my last post we have been mourning the loss of a lesson horse at the barn we board at. The girls and I were there when he injured himself in a stall which led to euthanasia a few hours later.

Too many sad events as of late to make any IVF decisions.

I am leaning towards saying good-bye to this IF journey but the pain from recent events is muddying my psyche so I just can't say yet. Right now, I don't have the emotional capacity to face another cycle.

Sending hugs to my fellow infertiles. I do hope all of you find peace on which ever path you choose.