Tuesday, October 23, 2007

101 Posts! and anxiety is subsiding

Isn't this some sort of Blogger milestone I am supposed to recognize?

Happy 101 to me!

So, this anxiety of mine is about time. Time slipping away. Being too late. It's very hard. I will be 39 in February and while I know many women who conceived and birthed a child at 40, that will not be ME with *my* eggs. Because of the endometriomas, my poor ovaries have been through the ringer. They need to be left alone! While using donor eggs is expensive (about the cost of two fresh cycles using my eggs), I think the security of knowing the we would have a hugely increased chance of conceiving is worth the expense. Yes, seeing a mini me toddle around would be nifty but honestly, I just want to do this pregnancy thing before I turn to dust! Ivan ain't so hip on the cost. I don't blame him. We have not really discussed this at length as I need more info from RE and I have been in an emotional pit for weeks...I might be digging myself out finally. Knowing that literally the clock is stopped using donor eggs is of huge comfort to me.

We could do another fresh cycle or two but my response to the Gon*al-F was not great...I have reserve but the ovaries have been really traumatized by the endometriomas. Doing another fresh cycle with my eggs is not the best use of the money, it really isn't. I have to look at my goals here and perpetuating my DNA is not one of them...pregnancy is my goal.

If you have any donor egg stories to share, please do!

I need to check in with everyone!


Samantha said...

I'm glad you're doing okay. I hope you and Ivan can come to a decision you both feel comfortable with.

Tracy said...

Hi there,

We are at the beginning of our first DE cycle, but shhh...it's a secret. If you go to my blog, you can keep up, but I'm talking pretty much in code since family and friends are snoopy and LOVE my blog. ugh.

Anyway, the stats on a DE cycle were enough to persuade us. We've had two previous failed cycles, and though I responded "OK" to the stims, we didn't have a viable embryo in the bunch (out of 23). Of course, it could be MF, but not likely. So, we'll try DE and see what happens.

Good luck to you either way.

Sara said...

Hi there, it's great to hear an update. I can't say anything about DE, but am really happy to hear that you are feeling more positive about taking some new steps.

Regarding the expense, if you're not afraid of international travel, there are some much cheaper DE options in eastern Europe and South Africa. I realize that with two kids the travel would be daunting, but it's just something to think about when crunching the numbers.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Sarah said...

funny how we adapt isn't it? and how things we could hardly consider not so long ago begin to seem not just acceptable but comforting.

good to hear from you!

Mommy Someday said...

I have a friend who just had a baby with donor eggs. She had a hysterectomy many years ago, and then when she got married, they decided to have more kids-with a gestational surrogate. They tried to use her eggs (she was 39-almost 40) but after 3 rounds, they were unable to get any embys to pass genetic screening. One round with donor eggs and BOOM - their surrogate was pregnant. They now have a healthy, happy, baby girl. Good luck to you!!

Jenna said...

Congrats on post 101!

I was also just celebrating a bit of a milestone for my blog too. Sorry I'm seeing this late.

I don't have much to offer your request, but I wanted to wish you well and I'm glad you are doing alright with things.

LiL Moo & Mee said...

You know you have to do whats best for you and even if its not your eggs that child will ALWAYS be yours.xx

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I found your blog via SQ. I have endo, too. A nasty case of it. I will be back to check on you and your progress. I hope you come to a place of peace with whatever you decide.