Sunday, September 16, 2007

My fairy tale wait

Well, the bedrest is officially over. However, Ivan still insists I "take it easy". I am taking Goose to see her pony this afternoon and he made me promise "not to do anything you promise?"

This feeling I have now...I remember it from the last transfer. It's like a little fairy tale world I am living in. When regular ol' life creeps in, I remind myself of the six cells of wonder sitting in my uterus, pondering their future, trying to decide if they like it well enough to stick around. I go back and forth between cautious excitement and accepting defeat.

The thing DID work last time. I conceived. I experienced the symptoms of pregnancy. However short it was, I experienced it. I guess I just can't imagine it would work again. I feel like that was our shot.

While I would desperately love to start to get that same funny gag feeling in the back of my throat next weekend, it's hard to imagine we could beat the odds again.

Numbers aside, to honor what we have done, to honor what "they" are, our little beginning cells of life, I will keep that dreamy feeling this week....will keep snapping myself back into my little fairy tale world....a world where the six cells should have multiplied into so much more and should be breaking free of their shells, exploring the lush home awaiting them. I will let peaceful, hopeful music pour over me and keep my buoyed in this place of wishful dreamy thoughts...considering what could be.

What will be?


Sarah said...

oh i am really hoping for you! do take it easy, but i think a day or two of bedrest is enough as long as you don't go running any marathons. good luck with the agonizing wait, sounds like you have a great attitude!

Stephanie said...

just returned from a weekend up north and got caught up on your FET. I am so excited that both of your embies defrosted and were transfered!! That is awesome! I will be checking back to see what happens. :)