Wednesday, August 26, 2009

First Free*dom Pharmacy Order!

They just called to verify my order for estro*gen patches and PIO for the mock cycle. Isn't it crazy how excited it makes me that a package of several-inch-long syringes will arrive at my doorstep tomorrow morning? :)

There is so much emotion with this process. The last several nights I have had trouble sleeping. There are so many emotions running through me. The fear that it won't work and SO MUCH MONEY is gone. The fear that it will work and I will miscarry and end up more scarred than I already am by infertility. The fear that a healthy baby will arrive and we will be parenting a newborn in our early 40's. You just can't get away from the anxiety, can you?

I really do *trust* that what ever happens is the path meant for me. If it fails I can at least turn 50 (in a decade) and know that I really tried my best by pulling out all the stops...including 21 year old donor eggs!


Fran said...

Hi! I decided to stop by to say hello and to wish you all my very best for this cycle. The worries will never stop in the IF World, but I like what you are saying; whichever way it'll end you have tried it. Much love, Fran


Journey Girl said...

Oh yes, the anxiety, I can really, really relate here and know the fear of spending so much money on a cycle. Of course it is all worth it if we get our dream, however, I find it very hard sometimes that I have spent so much money on making myself feel miserable.

Good luck for your cycle!

K said...

I'm going through similar fears/nerves about starting with injectables. It just goes to show that the emotions never slow, no matter where you are in the journey. And, at the same time, that provides me just a tad bit of comfort.