The sweetest thing...potentially heartbreaking

So Ivan has insisted for two years that he is "good"...his life is complete. Supportively, he is going on this adventure again for ME. Don't get me wrong, he LOVES babies, he LOVES his daughters. But, a lot is on his shoulders already and, as the sole breadwinner, he has felt fine with life as is.

As we move closer to our active cycle, I see a new twinkle in his eye. He loved to joke saying "what have I gotten myself into" after I told him the odds are definitely on our side since our egg donor is only 21. It has been fun watching him get excited about the opportunity to parent a baby again.

Yesterday I got a text from Ivan that was quite unexpected. The text said, "what about (insert name) for a girl?". I almost fell over in the grocery store. Was this a joke, was there another meaning to this? Turns out, he really thought the name would be nice if we have another girl. Blogdom, this is the hugest thing and it is also something that makes my heart very, very sad. What if my body does not follow through with this project? Egg Donor is going to provide us with beautiful, young eggs. Ivan is going to provide his famously healthy swimmers. Together they will no doubt create some kick @ss embryos. But what if my body does not do its part? The name he suggested in that loving text will haunt me the rest of my life if it doesn't work.

Come on AshPash uterus, you have the job of a lifetime coming up!