Monday, August 24, 2009

The sweetest thing...potentially heartbreaking

So Ivan has insisted for two years that he is "good"...his life is complete. Supportively, he is going on this adventure again for ME. Don't get me wrong, he LOVES babies, he LOVES his daughters. But, a lot is on his shoulders already and, as the sole breadwinner, he has felt fine with life as is.
As we move closer to our active cycle, I see a new twinkle in his eye. He loved to joke saying "what have I gotten myself into" after I told him the odds are definitely on our side since our egg donor is only 21. It has been fun watching him get excited about the opportunity to parent a baby again.
Yesterday I got a text from Ivan that was quite unexpected. The text said, "what about (insert name) for a girl?". I almost fell over in the grocery store. Was this a joke, was there another meaning to this? Turns out, he really thought the name would be nice if we have another girl. Blogdom, this is the hugest thing and it is also something that makes my heart very, very sad. What if my body does not follow through with this project? Egg Donor is going to provide us with beautiful, young eggs. Ivan is going to provide his famously healthy swimmers. Together they will no doubt create some kick @ss embryos. But what if my body does not do its part? The name he suggested in that loving text will haunt me the rest of my life if it doesn't work.
Come on AshPash uterus, you have the job of a lifetime coming up!


My Endo Journey said...

Come on AshPash uterus!!!! Sending some good vibes your way!


Mai said...

That is just beautiful..My husband didn't know if he wanted to have children soon after our marriage..til we had a "scare" (lol, how I would love that again) on our honeymoon. When it turned out not to be..He said, Im so ready to be a daddy..and have never seen anyone else as the momma of my children..And I feel you on thet letting-downess..After ever m/c I felt like I was a failure to him..So I am sending and BIG happy baby makin uterus vibes..:)

WiseGuy said...

AshPash Uterus...behave!


Sara said...

How did I miss the fact that you are posting again? YAY! Good luck with your cycle. I understand your fears, but am really happy to hear that Ivan is right there with you in wanting it. Go uterus go!

Lisa RM said...

Plugging away for you!

twondra said...

We were told we would have to use donor egg for IVF also. I wish you the best sweetie!! (((HUGS)))



MoonNStarMommy said...

Awwwwwwwwww it's the best when they say stuff like that!!!

Happy ICLW