Sunday, November 08, 2009

Day 1 P3DT (CD 17)

So of course I am regretting having the laptop on my legs/pelvis yesterday as I was reclining on the couch with my knees up....was it across my belly? Did the heat from the battery fry our two embryos?

Yep, it's all over, I fried our embryos...they died of heat stroke in my perfectly prepared uterus b/c I had to have my laptop with me.

Sigh.

And there is the fact that I think our RE is too conservative. I am reading about bloggers whose RE's transferred 3-5 eight-celled good to excellent embryos. Ours said "no way" to three!

Sigh. Again.

Geez, I want to be positive for Ivan but I feel NOTHING for these embryos. No dreaminess, no over-the-moon thoughts of my future children, no "PUPO" mentality (preg until proven otherwise).

Is this just me being realistic? A defense mechanism? Hardened negativity from years of disappointment?

This once-in-a-lifetime DE IVF has not gone AT ALL the way I wanted or expected...especially given the $20k price tag.

Sign. Again. And again.

I am not in "pity" mode but I am definitely not *at all* positive about this. The week of the test I have several settings in which I have to be social and pleasant and actually talk to people. And the next week is Thanksgiving!

Potentially another holiday with an empty womb.

This time forever.

Blood test November 18.

POAS November 17.

3 comments:

Circus Princess said...

My birthday is November 17th, I think that's a good sign :) I've got high hopes for you girl!

jenicini said...

I think it's okay to not feel dreamy about this cycle. While I wish you had never had your hope for this cycle tarnished, it has been difficult for you. The price tag of a DE cycle is a hard pill to swallow when the donor didn't give you a bunch of eggs to keep trying with. That's the way it is suppose to work right? Regardless, of the way it has turned out until now, you still have two good embryos glued inside trying their best to stick and grow. I'm hoping that you will have more than one reason to give thanks during this holiday. {hugs}

Mai said...

We'll hope for you on this cycle. I know what it's like to just be continually let down..and I think it's okay for you not to feel all kittens and rainbows. I hope into my toes that my birthday (the 18th) brings great news to you!!